What Are You Afraid Of?

I was once asked what I am afraid of. And while I am afraid of a things like snakes and rats (and despise them a lot!!!), my answer shocked me and so did the one who asked me. I told him, I'm afraid I'm not creative enough and pretty soon, I'll run out of ideas to write about and just. He didn't look or sound bothered, he actually almost laughed. He probably thought, it was an original answer. Or that it was petty. Or that I was trying to be witty. But the truth is, I gave an honest answer.

And that fear I have not yet conquered. After finishing and selling my first novelette in less than a week after almost a month's preparation, I later zealously (at times) wrote my first real novel. I say preparation because I was actually writing a novel, I joined Nanowrimo and the target is 50,000 words. By the time I had 30,000 words and cannot proceed any further, my magazine editor said, she only needed 10,000+ words. I was both relieved and worried for the same reason. I was relieved I didn't have to think of new twists and details, I could just end the story right then. I was worried I had to cut it short and take out some twists and details and end it right then. I had fun, though. I just let my characters lead the way.

But during and after producing the novel, I was afraid I would run out of ideas to write about later - interesting stories and plots. And I won't last long and won't have new material for my next ones, unlike one of my favorite writers Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who seemed to be overflowing with creative juices. 

And so I like devouring books on creativity, such as Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon and Do You Think You're Creative by my friend Apple Cruda, and internet articles telling you how to be ingenious. Or listening to motivational talks and grad speeches of David Foster Wallace (This is Water), Steve Jobs and the like. Sometimes, I just watch foreign films with subtitles. It opens my eyes to new things teaching me to see the ordinary thru the point of view of others.

But while there are plenty of sources of good ideas, finding the right one can be difficult such that you have to sift thru to find a material you'd like to use, something that fits you just right. I won't say original because nothing is original in this world unless you can't tell where it came from. That statement is not original, I stole that from Austin Kleon. 

On second thought, maybe it is good to have this fear so that I do not become complacent. Its good and positive effect on me is that it's driving me to hunger for new ideas, to always search for inspiration and keep my mind working, thinking, daydreaming, creating, writing, blogging, thinking, working, creating, which makes us human and alive. I wonder who said that before me. Because I don't know, I will claim to be originally mine. 

How about you? What are you afraid of? And what are you doing about it?